You don't know how it feels..

You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes for the past 7 months..

You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes now..

You don't know how it feels to wake up everyday,
dreading to go to work because of all the comments on my size/weight..

You don't know how it feels to wear the shawl and literally feel empty spaces that did not use to be there..
You don't know how it feels to have sunken cheeks..

You don't know how it feels to hate looking at myself in the mirror cos I have grown so so thin..

:'(

You don't know how it feels to be questioned as if you were anorexic or bulimic when you're not even guilty of that..

You don't know how it feels to be called names by immature kids and having to pretend to be unaffected when deep inside it hurts really bad..

You don't know how it feels when people easily pass comments that associate you to being too light you can fly or the wind will carry you away..

You don't know how it feels to pretend to smile and be totally cool about it when inside you're hurting badly..
You don't know how it feels to face such insensitive remarks and swallow it almost everyday of my life..

You don't know how it feels to be looking in the mirror and despising the fact that you've grown so thin when you were never this thin before..

You don't know how it feels..
You don't know how it feels..


You don't know how it feels to simply cry it all out at the end of the day..
Pick yourself up and brace yourself for more days of such insensitive remarks and comments that break your self-esteem..
that destroy your self-confidence..
every day..
every minute of your life..

:'(

You.don't.know.how.it.feels.

You don't know how it feels to come to a point where you don't want to meet others for fear of getting that insensitive comment or remark...

:'(

I am bearing a LOT on my shoulders ok?

Do I come across as someone who is free to a point others assume I cannot be bothered or I am too lazy to do certain things?

For the record, I am not at all someone who has time on my hands..
I am the one chasing after time..

I am looking after my kids on my own..
2 very active kids..
Working heavy duty as a teacher on weekdays to a point I have no time to cook on weekdays..
I try my best to cover as much housework as I can..
All on my own!

I am exhausted but I try to never think about my fatigue despite feeling like collapsing at times
Yet there are those who just don't seem to understand or empathise.

So easy to comment on this and that..
So easy to ask me whether I have done this or that without realising I have been doing other things and it is not easy to BE ME.

Shut it already.

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Oh happy day!

It is Saturday!

Oh happy me!
Cos the weekend is here!
:-D

Time to spend precious quality tine with my babies!
NO WORK!
Just playtime and house time with the 2 darlings!

Wheeeee!!!!

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Super separation anxiety

Mondays to Fridays will never be the same again..

The past 7 months have been really beautiful seeing my babies grow up...

Going to the market with my girl...
Her excitement when I bring her for her kiddy rides..

Our bath time together.. She playing with her ducks n turtle while i pretend to let her play in the "rain" in the shower..
Playing masak masak (cooking) in the kitchen..
Playing catch with her..

My boy from a newborn to an active and jovial 7mth old now..
From flipping onto his tummy to leopard crawling..
To his babbling stage..

I cannot help but cry thinking of how limited time will be with them now..

I can't wake up with them every morning now..

We only have the weekends together.. :'/

Allah please grant me the strength...

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on the way...

To an oral exam briefing..

First day of separation from my babies..

5pm or 5.30pm..
Come quick..
Even better if it ends earlier please..

Need to break fast some more..

Buona vista... Time to travel back will be so slow.. Pfft.

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Jitters

7 months..

From January till tomorrow...
I have been a SAHM..
And the experience has been indescribable..
It has been a rollercoaster ride which of course is beyond beautiful..

Wednesday, it will be back to reality..
Back to working world..
Juggling work, home and family..

I'm definitely experiencing separation anxiety..
From my family especially my babies.. ;(
But I have no choice...
Financial issues require me to continue working..

In the future perhaps,
I can be a permanent SAHM..
Insya Allah...

Will miss being at home everyday of the week with my sweet babies..
Seeing them grow up,
Bathing them,
Playing with them..

;(

gosh.. I can just cry at the thought of going back to work..

I hope my babies can cope well and adjust well to their parents' back to work schedule..

Allah give us strength...

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Driving..

It has been 1 year plus since I last drove..

So when I started driving again the past few days.. It has been a true mix of emotions..

The worst that has happened is only one thing..
I hit the kerb while parking head first..

Other than that, Alhamdulillah..
Hubby says I have been improving day by day..

I should be ready to ferry the kids to our parents when we both start working..

Allah pls make me a safe, alert and calm person when i am behind the wheels...

Ameen..

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2nd day of Ramadhan..

Alhamdulillah..

Managed to cook mee soto/soto ayam..
As well as mee bandung..

But sadly, i did not have time to take pics..
Finished cooking just in time to serve for breaking fast..

No peeks! *sob* *sob*

Anyhoo, i am really glad my in laws enjoyed the food! :)

Good night world!

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Morning Madness!

Set the alarm at 8am to go to the market while lil ones are sleeping..

My alarm went off 5 times and I simply could not get up till about 930am..

Felt so so tired and lethargic..

Wanted to go to the market alone but since i woke up at 930am..

My girl got up too cos it was nearing her "ibu nak susu!" time hahhha..

So off to the market with her in the stroller..

Had to leave babyboy with hubby while we chop chop went to the market!

I will so not go to ntuc or the market on Sundays ever again..

The crowd was madness.

Have a good Sunday bloggers!

And have a blessed Ramadhan to all my Muslim friends!

Ramadhan Mubarak

Alhamdulillah...
Ramadhan (fasting month) is here again..
Alhamdulillah weive and breathe to embrace this special month again..

Some countries probably have started their fasting today but for Singapore, it will officially be tomorrow.. :)

I started fasting at the age of 5..
My elder sisters at 4..
But of course for me at 5, it was a training period..
Being the youngest of 4, i was naturally 'manja'.. ;)
I used to pretend I had stomach upset in the day just to break my fast despite my mom letting me fast for half a day.. ;p
And then I would happilyy gobble down food in front of my sisters who were fasting.
Heh..

Fasting has many benefits some of which I know:

1) Physically: cleanses and detox our body naturally after we work it out with all the eating 11 months every year.. 1 month of fasting helps purify our internal system.. Our body is like a non-stop blender.. It needs that rest too.. It needs the cleansing too..

2) Spiritually: brings us closer to Him.. We are expected to better ourselves as Muslims all the time but the fasting month is one of the more special month for us to take the opportunity to earn our place in Heaven.. Insya Allah..

3) Mentally: It teaches us a lesson on appreciating what we have especially food and drinks as compared to the people in poorer countries..

That's the knowledge I have.. So little I know..
I need to better myself and I hope I will be able to..

So to all my Muslim bloggers,
Happy fasting and May He accept all our deeds and prayers in this year's fasting month..
Ameen... :)

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Deal or No deal?

1st one: Viewed and it almost became a deal.. But last minute the situation turned around and ooops no more deal!

2nd one: PILs viewes and we viewed it (photos).. A much better deal definitely. Sealed. :)

Another significant chapter opening in our lives..
Am very grateful and thankful to Him for blessing me with supportive and ever loving PILs..

I have much to learn as a daughter, daughter-in-law and how to be a parent like my mom and PILs..

The best anyone can ever have..
All of our parents are the best for us...
It is just a matter of seeing their strengths, embracing their weaknesses and always ready to learn from them.. :-)

Now, to master what I have not been putting into practice for 1.5years..
In less than 2 weeks!!

YIKES!!

I can do this!!!

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Burger mood

Planned to cook up some burgers for today's menu..

But a quick run to the minimart and I was disappointed..
Uncle doesn't sell the burger buns..

So Gardenia plain bread was bought.
And my burger menu will turn to sandwich menu today..

Chicken patties,
Tomato slices,
Shredded cabbage,
Scrambled eggs,
Gardenia bread,
Kraft cheddar cheese &
Potato wedges!

Yummy!!

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Sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me..

I have never agreed with the above statement..

Words are actually the most hurtful tool..

I have hurt others with my very own words..
I have learnt lessons from saying hurtful things..

I have also been hurt a number of times..
From words coming out of others' mouths..

Let us all learn to, as my husband always advised me:

THINK BEFORE YOU TALK.

On the way home from hospital now..
What a relief..

I feel terrible as it is..
I did not need to feel worse..

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Hospitals.. bleagh.

I dislike hospitals.. In fact, i detests coming to.hospitals..

My life has revolved around hospitals too much..
That it has become what i would describe as:
Overwhelming..

I know I should never complain because I guess this is my trial in life..

Still, I'm just human..

Everyday I just pray that I or any of my loved ones for that matter will never have to be warded unless for giving birth... But not for serious illneses etc..

May Allah grant us good health always..

Have a good Tuesday bloggers!

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of love and life

It has been awhile since i posted..
Thanks to my dear gal friend, QQ, I have discovered blogger-droid which makes it even easier for me to blog on the go! Cobsidering I lack the luxury of time to sit in front of a laptop nowadays :-)

Oh how I have such a love-hate relationship with technology!

Anyways, there has been a few things that really mattered and has taken place in my life:

1) QQ coming over to my place :) that was such a lovely time spent together: cooking,catching up, ice cream together with the lil princess vying for our attention ;)

2) WT coming over as well to catch up and having it over lunch at my place too :)

3) Returning to workplace today to prep for my official return.. It was extremely fantastic to see my good friends at work.. :-) and also my dear crazy sec4 class which I shall not mention ;)

4) and the possibility of purchasing something really big and the KEY to convenience.. :)

The lil girl is sleeping over at her grandnanny's tonight.. We simply couldn't say no when she kept going "boleh tak? Boleh tak?"

Our bed is incomplete tonight but lile what hubby says,
It is high time we sacrifice in order to see our parents be happy even if it means letting our kids sleepover at their grandparents'.. Cos we don't know how long they have left to live their lives with their grandchildren..

Thank you for being such a wonderful son and son-in-law hubby..

Signing.off with my recent dish:

Sambal prawn.. :)

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Slip of the tongue

The tongue has its flaws too.

Sometimes, humans tend to have a slip of the tongue every now and then.

Tell me which human doesn't?

The only difference is the apologizing part.

There are 2 types of homosapiens.

The first type: The one who lets their ego rule over them and stop them from apologizing immediately despite their mistake or slip of tongue.

The second type: The one who realise their slip of tongue has offended the other party and IMMEDIATELY (plus SINCERELY) apologizes yet their apology is rejected wholly.

It is especially confusing when the offended party has been preaching that he or she would always appreciate the one who offends to apologize immediately as it apparently will lessen or take away the offended party's anger. But when the apology comes immediately, rejection.

Geez.

Sometimes, humans need to practise what they preach.

Don't blame others when they confuse others themselves.


In short, look in the mirror and always asks: What the hell do I want? Apology or timeout? And decide.

Of great company but disappointing food

Had an advance celebration for mom's birthday and 2nd sis as well yesterday night at Asian Market Cafe..

We went for the dinner so it was from 6plus till 10.30pm..

We stayed till about 9pm..

If you ask me?

AMC is a terrible disappointment.

Food lacked its presentation.

Taste was mainly -_-

Sushi tasted like it was 5 days old.

Ice kachang station was poorly maintained.

Satay was hard and not tender.

Chilli crab was pleasant.

Stingray tasted ok.

top up of the food was slow and lethargic.

labels of the food were not all placed properly so when we went around, we just went "what's this?" at certain dishes cos there were NO labels!

Food was mainly cold all the time despite the seemingly fresh and hot preparation.

Seriously when I did my research on them, there were raving reviews and people were posting about how great AMC.

Before we went for the dinner (my hubby on crutches all the way),

I actually ate VERY little at home to save space for the dinner..

With such high hopes on the food at AMC cos of the raving reviews,

I was extremely disappointed when we finally ate there. 

I am not too sure about the lunch or high-tea.

But whatever it is,

this will be the FIRST and the LAST of my trip to AMC. 

I feel that the chefs work based on the crowd at the restaurant.

It was pretty empty yesterday.

Hence, the plates of dishes were pretty empty too.

What with the super slow and minimal top ups of the food.

And the drinks?

I won't even start on that.

AMC, terrible disappointment.

Poor and slow service of topping up foof.

Lack quality in taste.

Most of the food we ate there,

I can get at hawker centres or other affordable places which are nicer and tastier!!

In short, 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND ASIAN MARKET CAFE DINNER BUFFET.

Stomach cried on the way home..

Thank goodness for the company with my family.

It made up for the terrible food.

I STILL can't decipher WHY I read raving reviews about AMC..

Oh well.. I guess to each his own.

Have a good Monday! 

A lil more related to my blogtitle.. Cooking!

Been meaning to post the past few days but things have been too hectic at home..

This is my breather moment and so I've decided to post!


About what?


About what's cooking in my-oh-my kitchen!


Just a lil bit about my passion..
Yes. I am passionate about cooking.


Cooking is my therapy when I feel stressed or down and out.
Cooking makes me feel LOVE all over again.
Especially when I look at my dear ones eating whatever I cook with such appreciation and enjoyment. :)
It helps really.


Now that my little princess is able to show her appreciation of my cooking verbally, it makes the feeling even more magical!
Inspiring me to cook despite any form of lethargy (but of course some days we order. heh.)


So here's some of the dishes I've been cooking at home and have yet to share with all those who love to cook too.
Maybe.. one day when I am granted more time, I will put aside a link where my recipes will be shared.
Cos most of my cookings are recipes from my mom dearest, mom-in-law and sisters. :)

Top: Sotong Hitam (Squid cooked in black gravy) Bottom: Daging Paprika (Beef cooked ala Paprika)

Mee Soup (with beef slices, fishball, fishcakes,tomatoes & taugeh)

Chicken Porridge with kicap tempe & begedil

Fried Maggi with minced meat, fishballs, scrambled eggs & carrots.

Fishball soup in the process when I snapped

Nasi Lemak Set

Honey chicken Rice




 Fried macaroni (linguine) with carrots, fishballs and fried nuggets




Vegetable stir-fried (tomatoes, taugeh, spinach) in scrambled eggs



Fried Kway Teow (extra moist) ;)



Kway Teow soto


and the dish for today, something I have been craviiinnnnng badly.. (

ASSAM PEDAS IKAN PARI (STINGRAY IN SWEET & SOUR GRAVY) WITH PICKLED MUSTARD VEGE AND LAKSA LEAF.. YUMMMZ!!



Have a good weekend dear bloggers!

I used to..

I used to observe young children playing with handphones or any other gadgets such as psp in disapproval when I was not yet a mommy..


I used to tell myself that when I have kids of my own, i will not allow them to be engrossed in playing handphones or other computer gadgets because it kills the bond between family members.. at least i used to believe that was the effect..


I used to..


Now, I find myself doing the exact opposite..
I let my lil girl play with my handphone and watch her favourite videos like Upin and Ipin, Barney, Pingu, videos on cooking toys and so on..
However, I do interact with her and monitor the videos she watch on my phone..
She will get rather excited when I ask her what video she is watching and ask more questions pertaining to the video.. :)
I guess it does depends on how parents deal with it..


Of course at times when i am too busy with housework, 
I let her play with the phone on her own and she will be all quiet (yes, just to keep her occupied)..
But i am trying to not let this happen too often..
Because nowadays I notice she will ask for my phone if she is not getting enough attention..
And she will just withdraw into her world of videos..


Sometimes when I check on her once in awhile, I will discover she is watching videos that are not suitable for her age..
Like a man shooting birds down..
Like a violent fighting scene..
And that worries me..


Sometimes she doe not even want to explore the many books I have bought her..
But I guess she is just 2 years old.. There's still time for interest in reading (i hope!)..


Oh well.. 
A resolution that I have made for myself is to ensure that she does not get too hooked onto the phone..


Especially when I resume work,
life is going to be busier..


But i promise you my dear gifts,
I will spend quality time with you at home and on weekends (God willing)..


I will NOT let career come first..
I will NOT let my career get in the way of family bonding..
Because time is too precious to be too focused on work..


Because work won't be there for us when we're sick..
Our family and friends will..
Work won't pray for us when we have troubles,
Family and friends will..

I believe.. Do you?

And my first post will be on a song that I am currently listening to..


A song that inspires..
A song that helps me calm down in times of distress, frustration, anger and you get the gist..
A song that teaches me..
A song that reminds me to never forget Him..


What song is this you ask?


Irfan Makki feat. Maher Zain - I Believe..

When you're searching for the light
And you see no hope in sight
Be sure and have no doubt
He's always close to you

He's the one who knows you best
He knows what's in your heart
You'll find your peace at last
If you just have faith in Him

You're always in my heart and mind
Your name is mentioned every day
I'll follow you no matter what
My biggest wish is to see you one day

Chorus:
I believe
I believe
Do you believe, oh do you believe?

*Maher Zain*
Coz I believe
In a man who used to be
So full of love and harmony
He fought for peace and liberty
And never would he hurt anything
He was a mercy for mankind
A teacher till the end of time
No creature could be compared to him
So full of light and blessings

You're always in my heart and mind
Your name is mentioned every day
I'll follow you no matter what
If God wills we'll meet one day

Chorus

If you lose your way
Believe in a better day
Trials will come
But surely they will fade away
If you just believe
What is plain to see
Just open your heart
And let His love flow through

I believe I believe, I believe I believe
And now I feel my heart is at peace

Chorus

I believe I believe, I believe I believe


Lyrics: Maher Zain, Bara Kherigi & Irfan Makki
Melody: Irfan Makki & Maher Zain
Arrangement: Maher Zain