You don't know how it feels..

You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes for the past 7 months..

You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes now..

You don't know how it feels to wake up everyday,
dreading to go to work because of all the comments on my size/weight..

You don't know how it feels to wear the shawl and literally feel empty spaces that did not use to be there..
You don't know how it feels to have sunken cheeks..

You don't know how it feels to hate looking at myself in the mirror cos I have grown so so thin..

:'(

You don't know how it feels to be questioned as if you were anorexic or bulimic when you're not even guilty of that..

You don't know how it feels to be called names by immature kids and having to pretend to be unaffected when deep inside it hurts really bad..

You don't know how it feels when people easily pass comments that associate you to being too light you can fly or the wind will carry you away..

You don't know how it feels to pretend to smile and be totally cool about it when inside you're hurting badly..
You don't know how it feels to face such insensitive remarks and swallow it almost everyday of my life..

You don't know how it feels to be looking in the mirror and despising the fact that you've grown so thin when you were never this thin before..

You don't know how it feels..
You don't know how it feels..


You don't know how it feels to simply cry it all out at the end of the day..
Pick yourself up and brace yourself for more days of such insensitive remarks and comments that break your self-esteem..
that destroy your self-confidence..
every day..
every minute of your life..

:'(

You.don't.know.how.it.feels.

You don't know how it feels to come to a point where you don't want to meet others for fear of getting that insensitive comment or remark...

:'(

I am bearing a LOT on my shoulders ok?

Do I come across as someone who is free to a point others assume I cannot be bothered or I am too lazy to do certain things?

For the record, I am not at all someone who has time on my hands..
I am the one chasing after time..

I am looking after my kids on my own..
2 very active kids..
Working heavy duty as a teacher on weekdays to a point I have no time to cook on weekdays..
I try my best to cover as much housework as I can..
All on my own!

I am exhausted but I try to never think about my fatigue despite feeling like collapsing at times
Yet there are those who just don't seem to understand or empathise.

So easy to comment on this and that..
So easy to ask me whether I have done this or that without realising I have been doing other things and it is not easy to BE ME.

Shut it already.

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Oh happy day!

It is Saturday!

Oh happy me!
Cos the weekend is here!
:-D

Time to spend precious quality tine with my babies!
NO WORK!
Just playtime and house time with the 2 darlings!

Wheeeee!!!!

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Super separation anxiety

Mondays to Fridays will never be the same again..

The past 7 months have been really beautiful seeing my babies grow up...

Going to the market with my girl...
Her excitement when I bring her for her kiddy rides..

Our bath time together.. She playing with her ducks n turtle while i pretend to let her play in the "rain" in the shower..
Playing masak masak (cooking) in the kitchen..
Playing catch with her..

My boy from a newborn to an active and jovial 7mth old now..
From flipping onto his tummy to leopard crawling..
To his babbling stage..

I cannot help but cry thinking of how limited time will be with them now..

I can't wake up with them every morning now..

We only have the weekends together.. :'/

Allah please grant me the strength...

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on the way...

To an oral exam briefing..

First day of separation from my babies..

5pm or 5.30pm..
Come quick..
Even better if it ends earlier please..

Need to break fast some more..

Buona vista... Time to travel back will be so slow.. Pfft.

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Jitters

7 months..

From January till tomorrow...
I have been a SAHM..
And the experience has been indescribable..
It has been a rollercoaster ride which of course is beyond beautiful..

Wednesday, it will be back to reality..
Back to working world..
Juggling work, home and family..

I'm definitely experiencing separation anxiety..
From my family especially my babies.. ;(
But I have no choice...
Financial issues require me to continue working..

In the future perhaps,
I can be a permanent SAHM..
Insya Allah...

Will miss being at home everyday of the week with my sweet babies..
Seeing them grow up,
Bathing them,
Playing with them..

;(

gosh.. I can just cry at the thought of going back to work..

I hope my babies can cope well and adjust well to their parents' back to work schedule..

Allah give us strength...

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Driving..

It has been 1 year plus since I last drove..

So when I started driving again the past few days.. It has been a true mix of emotions..

The worst that has happened is only one thing..
I hit the kerb while parking head first..

Other than that, Alhamdulillah..
Hubby says I have been improving day by day..

I should be ready to ferry the kids to our parents when we both start working..

Allah pls make me a safe, alert and calm person when i am behind the wheels...

Ameen..

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